I was reminded again this week how much study can be like work. It can be difficult, frustrating, time consuming, and deflating.
At the outset of the semester, I set a personal goal of having all my term papers completed by next Friday, the day the exam period begins. My reason for this was that I didn’t want to be worrying about writing term papers while trying to adjust to being a new parent. (Of course, it’s also a good idea to have your work done in a timely fashion.) Well, I was on pace till about the middle of the week. I had spent the better part of two and a half weeks reading and thinking about my last term paper. Things were going well. Then, on Monday, when I was just getting down to the writing, I began to find problems with my arguments. By Wednesday, my paper was completely deflated. I’m now back at the beginning, having seen nearly three weeks of work go up in smoke.
Sometimes people think that those who devote their lives to study have it easy–I used to think the same thing myself–but study shares much in common with any other pursuit one might choose in life. It requires perserverance, diligence, and effort. It requires a thick skin. Having a professor point out the flaws in your work is no easier to bear than having your boss tell you that your work needs improvement. It also requires self-confidence; that is, you have to trust that you have what it takes to make a worthwhile contribution. Philosophy is hard. Arguments can be long and complicated, especially when they are constructed by some of the smartest people in the world. There are days when I begin to wonder whether I even understand English anymore. The words on the page look like English words; the sentences look like they are constructed in accordance with proper English grammar; but I can’t, for the life of me, comprehend what is being said. These are the days when the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence–surely planting trees wasn’t that bad.